88. Conflict Avoidance Leads to Conflict: How Skilled Negotiators Build Lasting Peace // Stan Christensen

What does negotiation have to do with peacemaking? Turns out, A LOT. Stan Christensen has spent decades negotiating in over 75 countries — between governments, ethnic groups, and armed factions — and he joins Wiser World to bring that hard-won wisdom down to earth. We talk about why conflict avoidance creates more conflict, how trust is built and broken, what skilled negotiators do differently, and why Stan believes there is no such thing as an intractable conflict. This one will change how you see every difficult conversation in your life.

Check out Stan's podcast "All Things Negotiation" to learn more about negotiation.

Transcript for this episode.

TIMESTAMPS

• 00:00 – Introduction & Stan's background
• 02:57 – What is negotiation, really?
• 04:10 – How negotiation and peacemaking differ
• 05:33 – Inside peace negotiations: what actually happens in the room
• 06:59 – What separates skilled negotiators from unskilled ones
• 09:27 – "Conflict avoidance leads to conflict"
• 10:20 – The key skills: curiosity, inquiry, and the orange story
• 14:41 – How trust is built (and broken)
• 17:32 – Why negotiation is never really a one-time thing
• 20:37 – How culture shapes negotiation (Colombia & France stories)
• 32:27 – The power of questioning your own assumptions
• 35:52 – There is no such thing as an intractable conflict
• 37:41 – The Peru-Ecuador story: finding common ground
• 40:50 – A seven-element framework for preparing to negotiate
• 44:56 – Reframing conflict as "creative problem solving"
• 48:41 – Negotiating with someone who has more power than you
• 53:04 – The role of emotion in conflict resolution
• 55:35 – "Go to the balcony": how to avoid getting emotionally hijacked
• 59:19 – Why we all under-apologize — and why it matters
• 1:02:25 – Apology at the macro level: why politicians won't do it
• 1:05:35 – What gives Stan hope
• 1:07:21 – Stan's one takeaway for listeners

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